Where's The Robe?
by Jewels12
Summary: CWS Ficathon S2 Contribution. A trip to the spa changes Luke and Lorelai’s relationship. The robe is partially to blame.
1. Power Play

_A/N: Hellooooooo readers! It's time for me to share my (very late) contribution to the second round of the CWS Ficathon. I was assigned the episode: 'There's The Rub'. It was a very Luke-light episode, but I somehow found a way around that. This is the first of three chapters, and I promise to update frequently. I hope you enjoy the adventure ahead!_

_Many thanks to the organizers, and a special thanks to __**Filo**__, my little beta buddy. _

It was a Friday morning and the diner's patrons were experiencing the rare and wonderful world of indigestion. Nearly every table was decorated with delicious drywall and incredibly appetizing chunks of ceiling. Tom and his crew were busy at work in Luke's apartment, transforming the bachelor pad into a more liveable space. Luke considered buying out another three buildings if it meant elongating the distance between himself and Jess, and the coma inducing music Jess insisted on playing. Every single night.

Lorelai and Rory were fortunate enough to snag a table in a less impacted area of the diner. Luke nodded in greeting to them as he flitted impatiently from table to table, instructing people to cover their food and watch for flying debris. He argued with Tom, massaged his aching temples and glared at Lorelai, all in the span of ten seconds. Her cell phone earned her a first class ticket out the door, and she quickly obliged, happy to escape from the insanity for a moment.

Emily was on the other line. The insanity had returned. Ten fold.

"Lorelai, how do you feel about spas?"

"Um… good?" Lorelai said, leaning against the outside wall of the diner.

Emily was silent as she seemed to consider Lorelai's statement for longer than necessary.

"Spas are good," Lorelai regurgitated.

"Are you free this weekend?" Emily asked suddenly.

"For what?"

"Just answer the question, Lorelai."

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Ye-es," she struggled to get out. "But… I might have to donate a kidney or something, so, you know, that comes first."

"Wonderful," Emily returned, clearly unaffected by Lorelai's medical affairs. It just so happens that I have two gift certificates to the Birch Grove Spa for this weekend."

"That sounds just delightful, Mom," Lorelai said genuinely. I hope you and Jessica Simpson have a fabulous time."

"I don't know what on earth you're talking about, Lorelai. I was hoping that _you_ would be joining me."

"Why?" Lorelai blurted.

"Why what?"

"Why… just why?"

"Did you not just say that you liked spas?"

"Well, not verbatim."

"And you've indicated that you're free this weekend, correct?"

"Uh, technically–"

"Then I don't see what the problem is. Do you see a problem, Lorelai?" Emily asked in a delicately condescending voice.

"You mean besides the whole mother/daughter spa experience? Nope, no problem at all."

"Excellent. I'll pick you up tomorrow morning."

"Drive slow," Lorelai muttered as the line went dead. She shook her head, mystified by the forces of Emily Gilmore. She had ways of making people do things. Things that weren't pretty. Well, spas were pretty, in a sense, but that's beside the point.

Lorelai walked back inside the diner, her hand pressed to her forehead dramatically as she slumped into the seat next to Rory. "Woe is me," she sighed.

"What's up?" Rory asked.

"My mother's Valium dosage," Lorelai replied, smirking. "She wants to spend a weekend with me at a spa. A whole weekend, Rory! I can't handle this."

"Well, what weekend? How long do we have to prepare?"

"See, that's the funny part. It's _this_ weekend."

Rory's eyes widened. "But today is Friday."

Lorelai nodded. "Right, which means that tomorrow is day one of my journey into hell."

Rory was quietly contemplative, a smile gradually forming on her face.

"What are you smiling about? Are you somehow deriving joy from mommy's misery?"

"I'm just thinking about all the food I'm going to order after you leave."

"Most parents go away worrying about post-party destruction. I have the honour of worrying about the lingering scent of Indian food."

Rory laughed. "I'll air the place out after."

"Just burn it down. And then lie and tell me it was the result of the wild party you threw."

"Whatever will make you happy."

Lorelai grinned, patting Rory on the shoulder. "That's my girl." Her eyes moved to the counter and she watched in amusement as Luke attempted to sidestep around Tom and ended up ploughing into Jess. She giggled loudly, waving animatedly at Luke when he glanced at her in annoyance.

Lorelai turned back to Rory. "Come with me," she whined.

"Can't. I have school work, and laundry to do. Besides, I think you and grandma need to spend some quality time together."

"Why did I have to get the responsible kid?" Lorelai sighed. "I'll be right back." Rory nodded, focusing her attention on removing the layer of drywall dust that had formed on their table since arriving.

Lorelai shuffled up to the counter and smiled expectantly at Luke. "Whatcha doin' this weekend?" she asked him.

"Um… working."

"Okay," she said, smirking, "but what would you like to be doing?"

Luke sighed. "What are you talking about?"

"Where would you rather be?" she rephrased. "What would you rather be doing?" He stared at her dumbfounded. "This isn't a trick question."

He shrugged. "I don't know. I'd rather be… fishing, I guess."

She rolled her eyes. "Ever been to a spa?"

"No," he answered flatly.

"Really? 'Cause you're missin' out, buddy."

"I'll live."

Lorelai grabbed the rag that hung over Luke's shoulder and wiped off the stool next to her, taking a seat. "My mother is forcing me to go to the spa with her this weekend," she told him.

"Ah," he said, catching the rag when she tossed it back to him.

"I was hoping to have a buffer."

"And I would be the buffer?" She nodded. "But that would involve me going to the spa."

"Well, yes, that is one technicality."

He shook his head. "I'm not going to the spa."

"But Luke, you haven't felt heaven until you've experienced a mud bath. And the massages? Priceless. Although, they cost a fortune if you aren't living on Emily Gilmore's dime."

He stood expressionless with his arms folded tightly across his chest.

"Come with me," she pleaded, jutting out her lower lip for effect.

"No," grumbled.

Her head slumped over in defeat. "Fine," she huffed. "But if I have to suffer through this, you're going to hear about it. Don't you want to save yourself from that torture?"

"I have ear plugs." She glared at him.

Caesar poked his head out of the kitchen and passed off a couple plates to Luke.

Lorelai raised her eyebrows excitedly. "Those for me?" she asked, indicating the pancake-piled dishes.

Luke nodded. "Make yourself useful," he said, handing them to her with a smirk.

She licked her lips, wonderfully distracted by the food in her hands. With a wink, she turned on her heel and delivered the plates to her table. Luke chuckled, enjoying her retreating form, the spa conversation long forgotten. Food had such power over Lorelai Gilmore. He longed for that kind of power.

------------

Lorelai and Emily arrived at the Birch Grove Spa just after ten on Saturday morning. Lorelai had to admit that the limousine was a nice touch. The mini bar was an even nicer touch. A little vodka before noon never hurt anyone… well, not that she knew of, anyway.

They checked in at the front desk, and Lorelai forced a cheerful smile as Emily rearranged their treatment times until they were identical across the board.

Bobby, the front desk attendant, was lovely enough to inform Lorelai of the 'no caffeine' policy. She wanted to kick him. Emily couldn't stop gushing over the cucumber water. Lorelai hated cucumbers with the fire of a thousand suns. Yeah, this spa thing was really working out.

Lorelai trailed down the hall after her mother, rummaging through her purse for her cell phone. When she retrieved it, she quickly dialled the familiar number, slowing her steps as she waited for him to pick up.

"Yeah?" Luke answered impatiently. She heard the clattering of dishes and the bustle of voices in the background and could easily assess that he was still in the midst of the breakfast rush.

"They don't have caffeine here, Luke. Don't they know how dangerous that is?"

"Lorelai?"

She prattled on, ignoring his question, "Do they seriously think that fruit and yogurt constitutes breakfast? God, I can hardly imagine what they serve for lunch. I'm having horrible visions of raw vegetables, and tofu, and seeds…"

"Is there a particular reason that you called me?" Luke interrupted.

Lorelai smiled. "Yes, Luke. I promised you a recap of the whole spa experience, and I'm delivering on that promise."

"You never promised me a recap," he argued.

"Well, maybe not in so many words, but I believe it was implied."

"How was it implied? No, you know what? It doesn't matter. I can't talk right now," Luke said seriously. "I've got Tom and his crew on one side of me, a pile of customers on the other. This place is a nut house."

"Oh, speaking of nuts," Lorelai began excitedly, "there's a bowl of nuts in the lobby of this place. The only edible thing here, I imagine. And get this, there's a spoon in the nut bowl! Can you believe it? A spoon! Nuts are meant to be communal." She paused as she heard the unmistakable sound of a glass breaking, followed by Kirk's flood of apologies.

Luke groaned and said, "I'm living in a communal nut bowl."

Lorelai giggled in response, only stopping when she noticed Emily entering the room directly next to hers. "Oh God," she winced. "Don't tell me…" She inserted her key card and walked inside the spacious room, her nightmare becoming a reality when her mother stepped through the connecting door. "We have adjoining rooms," she said despondently to Luke.

"We have adjoining rooms!" Emily happily announced, frowning when she noticed the cell phone in Lorelai's hand. "Lorelai, what are you doing on that phone?"

"Crap, gotta go," she told him.

"Don't call me again."

"Such a sweet talker," she said teasingly, snapping her phone shut.

------------

The mother/daughter tag-team left their facial treatments with glowing complexions and boosted egos. Emily set off eagerly down the hall; the spa was like a newly-discovered playground to her. Lorelai was content to hang back, dialling the diner again so she could update Luke on the happenings.

Luke answered on the fourth ring. "I have a headache," he said, knowing who was on the other line.

"I bet," she sympathized. "All that construction going on, customers… Kirk."

"And yet, you keep calling me."

"Because I'm giving you a recap," she explained.

"Yeah, I get it. You figure, hey, he's already got one headache, what's another, right?"

Lorelai smirked. "Right, because two wrongs make a right. Or two headaches make a… happy head? I don't know what I'm talking about," she finished lamely.

Luke chuckled. "Where're you off to now?"

"Well, we just finished our skin rejuvenating and revitalizing collagen facial and eye treatment."

"Could I have that in English, please?"

She laughed. "They made our faces look pretty."

"Ah, I see," Luke said. "I don't really think you need a spa for that," he added quietly.

Lorelai smiled for a long moment, and finally continued, "And now we're headed to our Egyptian mud bath."

"Fascinating."

She noticed a cluster of staff members several feet ahead of her, and abruptly lowered her voice. "I have my robe and matching slippers on," she whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" he asked.

"I'm whispering, because along with all of its other delightful qualities, this place apparently frowns upon cell phones… and caffeine. Did I mention that?"

"Yeah, a few times."

Before she could utter another word, Emily's voice sounded from behind her. "Lorelai, for God sakes, put that phone away!"

Lorelai clutched her heart, gasping for air. "Where did you come from? I thought you were ahead of me."

"We'll be kicked out," Emily told her. "Do you want us to be kicked out?"

She was quiet as she considered the possibility.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Hurry up, or we'll be late for our next appointment." This time Lorelai watched her carefully as she moved down the hall. If there were any secret passages or escapes, Lorelai was determined to find them.

She sighed apologetically into the phone. "Call you later," she said to Luke.

"I'm taking the phone off the hook," he warned.

"Liar."

"Bye, Lorelai."

"Bye, Luke." She grinned, depositing her phone in the pocket of her robe. She had to admit that her mother was right; the robes were fabulous. Taking a final breath of composure, she walked forward, anxious to see Emily's face when she found out it was real mud.

TBC…


	2. Vicious Trollop

_A/N: Heyyy, me again! It's time for chapter two! Thank you all so much for the enthusiastic reviews! It's time to kick this baby up a notch. Enjoy! _

_Many thanks to __**Filo**__, who makes me realize that I'm not perfect. Hee._

During their mud bath, Lorelai called Luke and filled him in on every last detail, including Emily's initial repulsion and ultimate confession that if it was socially acceptable, she would smother herself in mud, every hour of every day. There was a minor setback when her phone briefly submerged into the murky water, but she quickly retrieved it, relieved when she heard Luke's voice on the other end.

"Where is your mother right now?" Luke asked.

"Oh, she's in the tub beside me," Lorelai said nonchalantly.

"And she's hearing this conversation?"

Lorelai glanced over at Emily, blissfully enshrouded in sludge, and realized that this was the proverbial 'Kodak moment'. "Emily is much too distracted by the glorious mud to care," she told Luke, a smirk on her face. "Mud, mud, glorious mud. Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood."

"You're singing," Luke remarked.

"Yep," Lorelai agreed. "I'm as happy as a pig in… mud."

Luke chuckled. "So, how is it that you can keep calling me? Isn't your battery running low, or something?"

Lorelai gasped in mock offense. "Luke, are you trying to get rid of me?"

"I tried that three phone calls ago. Didn't have much success."

"I'm incorrigible," she said, grinning.

"I thought they frowned upon cell phones."

"Well, they don't frown upon Ben Franklin," she retorted playfully.

Luke breathed heavily into the phone. "You did not pay them a hundred dollars."

Lorelai shrugged, skimming her free hand along the surface of the mud. "Hey, you're worth it." That response was met with silence; a good thirty seconds of it. "Uh, Luke," she began worriedly, "you still there?"

"Sorry, I need to ring up a few customers."

"Oh, okay," Lorelai said, the cheer absent from her voice.

Luke picked up on her discontent and quickly added, "I'm taking a break in about an hour… you know, if that, uh, means anything to you."

She giggled. "Hmm, I believe I will be in my scalp treatment then. Perfect time for a little chit-chat."

"Perfect time," Luke echoed, minus the enthusiasm. She smiled at his attempt to remain aloof.

"Talk to you soon," she chimed, disconnecting before he could say otherwise.

-------

As the day progressed, their conversations became less one-sided. In fact, Lorelai was more than a little convinced that Luke seemed to be enjoying himself. She thrived on the moments when she could entice a spark of laughter from him, and savoured every flirtatious remark that slipped from his unaffected tongue.

The flurry of phone calls wasn't going unnoticed. Every talk ended with a pointed stare and a tiresome interrogation from none other than Emily Gilmore.

"Lorelai, clearly there's something going on between you two," Emily said accusingly as they stood outside the door to the 'Quiet Room'.

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Stop," she groaned, "this is crazy."

"If you two can't see it, then you're only fooling yourselves."

"Mom, we're just friends. That's it. Luke and I are _just friends_."

"Mhmm," Emily said, dubiously. "Friends who can't spend a minute apart."

"I'm just bugging him. We were talking about the spa before I left, so I'm just letting him know what he's missing."

"Oh, I know what he's missing." Emily raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"Can we just go inside?" Lorelai asked, reaching for the door handle.

"After you," Emily replied, a smug smile on her face.

They were hit by a wall of overwhelming silence as they entered the room. There were a dozen other guests taking advantage of the uninterrupted peace. Some were reading, some were meditating, others were just plain sitting, and staring, and waiting… for God knows what. Lorelai struggled to hold in her laughter. It was like something out of a horror movie. Any minute now she was certain that a gigantic ape was going to burst through the wall, and wipe out everything in its path. She hoped it went for the annoying blonde with the pink tights and the perky breasts first.

Emily tiptoed her way to a plush chair on the east side of the room, and took a seat, her eyes widening when she was hit by the pulsations of the automatic, built-in massage system. Lorelai giggled softly, muffling the sound with the sleeve of her robe. Emily scowled, her furrowed brow soon relaxing as she gave into the sensations of her electronic masseuse.

Lorelai dropped into the chair next to her mother and waited for the good vibrations. She didn't feel anything initially, so she leaned over the armrest and picked up the remote starter, randomly mashing buttons on it. Still nothing. "Sure, I get the defect," she mumbled. Several heads turned to stare at her. Lorelai smiled nervously. "Yeah, I know. Quiet Room."

Emily's eyes were shut tight, and she moaned softly. "This is heavenly," she sighed. "I must tell you father about this, uh… what is it that I'm sitting on?"

Lorelai shook her head. "It's a massage chair, Mom. How can you not know what a massage chair is?" That response earned several more piercing stares from her noise-sensitive audience.

"What?" Lorelai cried in exasperation. "I have a disease," she explained. "Talk-itus. I can't not talk. Plus, I hate the sound of whispering. Especially in a quiet room. I feel like I'm in the morgue."

The perky blonde on the other side of the room chuckled briefly, then resumed her stretching routine.

Come on, guys," Lorelai said, her eyes now focused on the blonde. She had renewed hope for this woman. "Live a little. Make a sound, you know you want to." She turned to Emily for assistance, and was met with a comatose woman, clearly satiated by the powers of her chair. Lorelai sighed. "And when I need you, you're Helen Keller. Although, I must admit that the silence is nice for a change. Quick, someone wrap one of these up for the lady here," she said adamantly, gesturing to the chair.

-------

Lorelai gasped for air when they finally exited the Quiet Room, on the verge of suffocating in the confines of the deafening silence. Emily's revitalized body set off down the hall ahead of her, chatting animatedly to anyone that passed by about her incredible discovery of the massage chair.

Lorelai chuckled, anxiously removing the phone from her pocket and hitting 'redial'.

"Luke's," he answered.

"Heya," she said, smiling warmly.

"Hey, where you been?" he asked, sounding curious.

She grinned. "Why, did you miss me?"

"Finally got some work done. I've been losing out on a lot of tips today."

"Aw, poor baby," she teased. "I was in the Quiet Room. You can't talk in the Quiet Room."

"Maybe I need to get a quiet room," he muttered.

Lorelai stopped walking and leaned against the adjacent wall. "Oh, hardy har har." She pinched the phone between her ear and shoulder and quickly adjusted the tie on her robe. "Seriously, Luke, those people were like pod people… except for the blonde woman. I still hold out hope for her."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

She released an exaggerated sigh and changed the subject, "So, what's shakin' in the Hollow? Are Tom and the boys working hard?"

"Tom's too busy makin' wisecracks," Luke grumbled.

"That Tom, so full of… tomfoolerly," she said, giggling at herself. "I kinda like Tom," she added. "He has spunk. I bet he was a looker back in the day."

Luke snorted. "Would you like me to hand you over to Tom?"

"Nope," she said, smirking. "But give him a wink for me later, okay?" Luke groaned. "Blow him a kiss?" she asked instead.

"Lorelai," he said in a warning tone.

"Fine," she griped. "I guess a nice, firm ass pinch will have to suffice."

"I'm hanging up now," he threatened.

"No, don't!" Lorelai pleaded. "I'll be good." She smiled when she heard him sigh, her eyes coasting down her body and resting once more on the tie of her robe that had loosened again. "This darn robe just doesn't want to stay closed."

"Uh, _your_ robe?" Luke asked quietly.

"Um, yeah," she said, smiling at the question. "Great robes, these robes. Good, uh, texture, good comfort quotient. Terry cloth. Can't go wrong with terry cloth," she babbled.

"No, terry cloth is right up there," he agreed.

Lorelai pushed herself off the wall and started walking at a leisurely pace. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Emily waving frantically at her. In no hurry to acknowledge the action, Lorelai slowed her pace even further. At the sound of Luke clearing his throat, she realized that she hadn't spoken for several seconds. "So, I guess the robe subject is officially off limits, huh?" she asked teasingly, in an effort to break the awkward tension.

Luke chuckled. "Might be safer that way."

Lorelai's eyes widened at the connotation of his words, but she didn't press any further. "My mother signed us up for a couple's massage."

"Signed _who_ up?"

"Exactly my point," she said. "A couple's massage is for a couple. Not a couple of people, and certainly not my mother and I."

"Are you going there now?" Luke asked.

"Yeah, Emily's flagging me down." She glanced at her mother, exaggerating her steps as she hummed the 'Chariots of Fire' theme.

"You won't be satisfied until you make a spectacle of yourself, will you?" Emily hissed, turning on her heel and entering the massage room.

"I guess I should let you go," Luke said.

Lorelai stopped outside of the door and frowned. "Now why would you want to do that? I was just about to break into a verse of 'St. Elmo's Fire.'"

"Wouldn't want to miss that."

"I know," she said, ignoring his sarcasm. "Besides, if you hang up, I'm just going to call you back. Might as well save ourselves that step, right?" Without waiting for an answer, she continued, "Okay, I'm goin' in..."

-------

"His name is Gordon," Lorelai told Luke as she lay sprawled, face-down on the massage table. Her masseuse pressed his strong hands deep into the flesh of her back and she released a moan of appreciation. "Gordon's hands are magic," she sighed.

"Good for Gordon," Luke mumbled.

Lorelai chuckled, loosening her grip on the phone as her entire body went limp. "You should take a class, Luke. No girl can resist a massage."

"What makes you think I don't know how to give a _great_ massage?" he challenged.

"Oh, I'm sure you do… but it doesn't hurt to, um, polish up the skills." She hazarded a glance at Emily who rested on the neighbouring table, and was rewarded with a blatant eye roll.

Luke boldly replied, "Well, if I go to all the trouble of taking a class, then I'd, uh, need someone to demonstrate on."

Gordon flexed his fingers into a knot on Lorelai's shoulder blade and she moaned again, this time adding a little volume for show. "A-ma-zing," she breathed.

Emily scoffed in disgust. "You make it sound as though you're getting a lap dance."

Lorelai snickered. "This is just as good," she said, shooting Gordon a mischievous wink. "Ooh, yes, Gordon. Right there. That's the spot," she coached. "Mmm… magic."

Luke's heavy breathing pulsated through the phone. "You're shameless," he told her.

"I'll be your guinea pig, Luke," she said without a second thought. "You take a class, I'll be your guinea pig."

He chuckled. "You can't be trusted while you're under the influence of Gordon's ministrations."

"You're right," she agreed in a husky voice. "I can't be trusted."

-------

Lorelai and Emily lingered in Lorelai's room as they added the final touches to their evening looks. Emily reluctantly applied a layer of 'Vicious Trollop' to her lips, shaking her head at the appalling name of the product.

"I still can't get over the way you talked to him on the phone," she said to Lorelai, rubbing her lips together to spread the colour evenly.

"It was banter, Mom," Lorelai insisted. "We were bantering, that's what we do."

"Oh please," Emily argued, "you were practically having phone sex with that man."

"Oh my God," Lorelai groaned. "Mom, you have no idea what phone sex is."

"I'm not so naïve, Lorelai. I know what I heard. And whether you acknowledge it or not, your behaviour was nothing short of abysmal."

Lorelai sighed, realizing that she was fighting a losing battle. "Fine, I'm sorry, okay? Can we get something to eat now?"

"All right," Emily said. "We're going for steak?"

"We're going for steak," Lorelai affirmed. "C'mon, vicious trollop, let's paint the town red," she said teasingly as she swung her arm around her mother's shoulder and they walked together into the hallway.

TBC…


	3. Robe Snatchers

_A/N: Hello, everyone! We have finally reached the concluding chapter of this quirky tale. And now it's time for me to thank some people. First, you, the readers, for your support and encouraging words. Thanks also to __**Pooh**__ for inspiring me in very creative and dirty ways. Thanks to __**Squid**__ for inspiring me in a likewise fashion, minus the dirty. Thanks to Kevin Costner's naked backside for helping me to kick the smut up a notch. And as always, huge props go to __**Filo**__, my wicked beta._

Lorelai and Emily arrived a short while later at a nearby jazz lounge, more affectionately termed, sixty-forty bar. The place was buzzing with activity, and there wasn't a seat to be had in the main restaurant. The hostess pointed them in the direction of the bar, where two stools had opened up, assuring them that the entire menu was served there. That was enough to convince Lorelai. Emily, on the other hand, was a much harder sell… until she spotted the peanuts. That seemed to seal the deal.

The two women slid onto the vacant stools and propped their arms on the counter. Steve, the bar tender, passed some menus their way, and on Emily's command, a shallow bowl of peanuts.

Emily perused the menu briefly as she munched away. With a dramatic sigh, she turned to Lorelai and frowned. "I just can't believe I'm eating dinner at a bar. What will people think?"

"They'll think that you're one shady lady," Lorelai remarked playfully.

Emily scoffed, then gestured for Steve to return. When she had his attention she said, "We'll have two vodka martinis, straight up with a twist." Steve nodded and set out to work on the order. Lorelai glanced sidelong at her mother, a smirk on her face. "What?" Emily said, shrugging. "Well, if I'm going to be labelled as shady, I might as well go all the way."

Lorelai giggled. "You rock!" Emily rolled her eyes, but couldn't hide the amusement behind them.

When Steve returned with their drinks, Lorelai ordered up a couple steak diners, with Caesar salads, and a shrimp cocktail starter.

Emily had nearly polished off the entire bowl of peanuts. "I wonder if they have any pretzels," she said through a semi-full mouth.

"You gonna save some room for dinner?" Lorelai asked, chuckling.

"I'm positively famished," Emily said in explanation. "Aren't you?"

"Positively," Lorelai said in a mocking tone. She turned her head slowly behind her to take in the scene, and caught an older gentleman looking their way, his eyes clearly fixed on her mother. She smiled, squeezing Emily's arm. "Don't look now, but I think you're passing for a forty-year-old woman."

Emily's eyes widened in confusion. "I beg your pardon?"

Lorelai nodded over her shoulder. "Two o'clock, silver fox, totally checking you out."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous," Emily sneered, stealing a quick glance out of curiosity.

"So… what do you think? Not bad, huh?"

"Have some peanuts, Lorelai," Emily insisted, pushing the replenished bowl in front of her daughter.

Lorelai obligingly dipped her hand in and grabbed a few. "Thanks, Jumbo," she muttered teasingly.

-------

With their martinis polished off, and their plates scraped clean, the two women sighed happily. The live entertainment was now playing a tribute to the Chairman of the Board and Emily tapped her fingers against the bar top. She had loosened up considerably over dinner. Lorelai had noticed her shooting a fleeting look more than once toward Mr. Suave at the corner table.

Lorelai's eyes widened as Mystery Man finally made his approach. Emily nearly fell off her stool when she too realized what was happening.

"Oh God, Lorelai, what is he doing?" she hissed.

"He's coming in for a landing," Lorelai said, smirking.

"Oh God," Emily cried.

"Not quite, but I'll take that as a compliment. I'm Chad," the handsome visitor said, extending his hand to Emily. When Emily remained unresponsive, Lorelai acted as a puppet master and politely lifted her mother's hand, placing it into Chad's.

"Her name is Lola," Lorelai told Chad. He chuckled.

That seemed to snap Emily out of her trance. "My name is Emily," she said firmly, glaring at Lorelai.

"That's a beautiful name," Chad said, his voice oozing with charisma. "Very fitting."

Lorelai smiled. "Ooh, Chad is a charmer." Emily rolled her eyes.

"I used to be," he remarked, taking in Emily's reaction. "Maybe I could convince your mother with a dance."

Emily sucked in a breath. "Oh, no… no, I, uh, couldn't."

"C'mon, Mom," Lorelai encouraged. "Have some fun. Let loose. I'll hold down the fort here," she said, gesturing to their bar stools.

"How about it?" Chad said, holding out his hand to her, a hopeful grin lighting his features.

"All right, fine," she sighed in defeat, clasping his hand. "I suppose one dance can't hurt."

Lorelai laughed as Chad led her mother to the dance floor and they instantly found their rhythm. She turned back to Steve at the bar and gestured for another martini while she fished her cell phone out of her purse. The screen lit up as she punched in the numbers, and waited for her call to connect.

"Hello?" Luke answered tiredly.

"Hey," Lorelai replied, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "You still workin'?"

"Yeah, I run a business."

"Long day, huh?" she asked knowingly.

"Very long day," he agreed. "Very _wordy_ day."

She chuckled. "Have you surpassed your word quota for the day?"

"For the year."

"Well, then, I guess we'll have to resort to grunt speak." She looked up as Steve slid a fresh martini to her and smiled in thanks.

"Where are you now?" Luke asked. "Sounds busy."

"We're at a sixty-forty bar," Lorelai said as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

"A what?"

"You know, sixty-year-old men hitting on forty-year-old women. Divorcees, mostly."

"And you're doing what there, exactly?" She could hear the shock in his voice.

"Well, I'm just sitting here," she said innocently. "My mother's getting her groove on with Chad."

Luke released a heavy sigh. "Chad?"

"Yeah." Lorelai nodded, turning to admire the two adults that were gliding like pros on the dance floor. "He ain't bad, that Chad." She watched them for a while longer, feeling a hint of jealousy. "Actually, I wouldn't mind dancing," she admitted.

"Why don't you ask someone? Better yet, see if Gordon's around."

She chuckled. "There's no reason to be jealous, Luke. Gordon might have good – no, great – hands, but your hands are… I mean, you probably… you have… you look good…" she faltered, her face instantly flushing.

He snorted hard into the phone. "Are you drunk?"

"No," she answered defensively. "I had a martini. That's hardly enough to get me drunk. Slightly _buzzed_, maybe. My cheeks might be glowing. Actually, there were two."

"Huh?"

"Martinis. Well, there was one, now I'm working on number two. But I'm very much alert." She pressed her cool palm to her scorching cheek.

"I'm sure," Luke said dubiously.

Lorelai moved her martini out of arms reach, stunned by the sudden swell of nerves in her stomach. It certainly wasn't the alcohol that was making her dizzy and ineloquent. "Wow," she said, as it finally dawned on her.

"Wow what?"

She shook her head and quickly answered, "Wow, my mother is still dancing. Behold the powers of Chad. I should really get a picture of this. Maybe use it in the future for blackmail purposes." She chuckled softly at her genius.

"Hmm," Luke said, stifling a yawn.

"Hey, Luke?" she asked softly.

"Yeah?"

She bit her lip nervously. "Um, I'm just wondering something." When he said nothing in response, she continued, "I'm wondering why you've been picking up the phone, and why you've been so patient with me, and why you haven't hung up on me yet."

"That's three something's," Luke noted.

"He can count."

"Well," Luke began quietly, taking a deep breath, "I keep picking up the phone because it's been ringing. I've been patient with you, because I've used up all my intolerance on Tom today, and I'm fresh out." She smirked at that. "And I haven't hung up on you yet, because I, uh… don't want to miss anything."

Her face lit up in a dazzling smile. "So, you're enjoying the recap?"

"I'm enjoying the recap," he affirmed.

"Good," she said, her smile still evident. "I like talking to you."

He chuckled. "I noticed."

"I mean… often, frequently, like we've been doing today. It's nice."

"It _is_ nice."

"After tomorrow, it'll be back to face-to-face meetings for us," Lorelai pointed out.

"What a drag," Luke said teasingly.

She smirked. "You're going to have to take a trip next. Ooh, I know! Go on a fishing excursion and give me a recap of the whole experience… well, minus the whole gutting part, 'cause ick."

"I don't do cell phones. If you want the experience, you'll have to get it for yourself."

"You want me to come with you?" Lorelai asked, smiling in amusement.

"Well… sure, I mean, I guess you could, yeah."

She laughed as he stumbled over the invite and responded with, "I don't do fishing."

Luke groaned and said, "Good, you talk too much, anyway. You'll scare the fish."

"Hey, fish love my voice. I have a very fish-friendly voice. I'm the voice of safety. They know that I won't catch them, and they're comforted by that…" Lorelai trailed off as she looked toward her mother and Chad, now dancing cheek to cheek. "Whoa, Chad," she marvelled, chuckling. "Emily isn't going to like this."

"Huh?" Luke asked, confused.

"Chad's putting the moves on my mother. Of all the people in this joint, my mother is the one getting all the action."

Luke cleared his throat. "Were you hoping to get some action?"

Emboldened by his leading question, she replied, "Depends who's asking."

The hum of Luke's breathing filled the resulting silence. "Listen, I have a few customers I need to take care of here. Can we, uh… talk later?" he finished quietly.

She grinned. "Whatcha wanna talk about?"

"I don't know," he said gruffly. "Stuff."

"I broke you," she said, laughter seeping into her voice. "I didn't think it could be done."

Luke sighed. "Is that a yes?"

"That is a definite —" She gasped in shock as her voice was cut off by the most horrid of sounds: silence. Her phone had finally run out of juice. "Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit." She lifted her eyes and caught the sight of Emily, storming past her in a blur, and released her fifth expletive in frustration.

Lorelai slid off her stool and chased after her mother. Emily was waiting impatiently for her coat to be returned to her as Lorelai caught up to her. "Mom, what's going on?"

Emily turned to Lorelai and snapped. "This is all your fault!"

"_My_ fault?"

"You made me dance with that man, you forced my hand!"

"Excuse me?" Lorelai demanded. "Two seconds ago you were Ginger Rogers to Chad's Fred Astaire. You looked to be pretty consensual to me."

"This is so humiliating. I danced with another man in public. In public, Lorelai!" Emily cried.

"Mom, relax. You didn't do anything wrong," Lorelai insisted.

"You let me get sixty-fortied!"

"You are crazy! You were dancing; you were having a good time."

"Oh, I'm just a good time gal. I wear this lipstick shade proud."

"Mom, stop!"

Emily took an unsteady breath. "I need to go, we have to go. I'm leaving." She began walking toward the door at a brisk clip.

Lorelai rolled her eyes, grabbing her mother's forgotten coat and her own in the process, as she followed her to the exit, glancing apologetically at Chad along the way.

-------

The ensuing fight that followed at the hotel wasn't completely unexpected. It was a culmination of the events from the entire day. It was months – years – in the making. And somehow, through all the hurtful words and harsh accusations, it actually proved to be quite therapeutic for both women, and they finally came to an understanding of sorts about their relationship, as unique as it was. They were mother/daughter _always_; being friends wasn't part of the equation. That's the way it had always been, and that's the way it would remain. Somehow, it was comforting to know where they stood.

Emily wanted to leave the spa early, and Lorelai went along with the new plan, but not before she added her own alteration in the form of a dare. A way for them to bond by breaking the rules, going against the grain, doing something entirely outlandish, something that she would never do with Rory. They stole their robes. The Birch Grove Spa wouldn't know what hit them.

-------

When Lorelai's call had disconnected, Luke automatically assumed that her phone had run out of battery power. He tended to his last customers and went about his closing duties for the night. More than once, he glanced at the phone on the wall, a forlorn expression on his face. He knew that he most likely wouldn't be talking to Lorelai again before the morning. He also knew in his gut that something had shifted between them. Their relationship had changed, in the matter of a day… in the matter of a few phone calls.

Luke placed the mop and bucket in the back and returned behind the counter, briefly admiring his efforts. He grabbed the two garbage bags on the floor next to him, and walked unhurriedly to the door, holding it open with his foot as he stepped outside into the cool night air.

-------

Upon Lorelai's instructions, the limo pulled up to the diner and parked across the street. Lorelai shrugged when Emily looked at her pointedly. "I just need a nightcap," she said by way of explanation.

"Do they serve alcohol here?" Emily asked in surprise.

"No, no. Coffee. I need caffeine," she said with a level of desperation in her voice.

"Are you sure he's still open for business? It's after ten, Lorelai."

Lorelai smiled confidently. "He's always open for me… I mean, uh, 'cause I'm a loyal, um, customer."

"Mhmm," Emily said, playing along. "Very well. What would you like us to do with your bags?"

"Oh." Lorelai bit her lip. "I'll take them with me." Emily's eyebrows rose in question. "Would you believe that loyal customers get baggage storage service, too?" She chuckled nervously.

Emily sighed. "Goodnight, Lorelai. Enjoy your coffee," she said with an air of suspicion.

"Night, Thelma," Lorelai replied with a wink. She opened her door and slid out of the limo, meeting the driver at the trunk to retrieve her belongings. With a quick thank you, and a parting wave, she crossed the street and walked up the front steps to the diner, peering through the glass. The limo circled the square and disappeared from sight as she entered the building.

Her eyes scanned the main dining area, then the kitchen. Luke was nowhere to be found. She took in a deep breath, willing herself to stay focused. With her bags grasped tightly in her hands, she made her way to the curtain, nudging it aside and stepping through. Never had the staircase appeared so daunting to her. Each step she took sent a shockwave of nerves through her body.

"Crazy," she muttered to herself as she reached the landing. "I must be crazy."

Lorelai stood outside his apartment door, her face a mixture of emotions as her hand poised to knock. She rapped softly, twice. Then a third time. After the fourth, she boldly twisted the doorknob and walked into the apartment; Luke's home. There was a mess of tools scattered everywhere, sawdust marked the floor and plastic sheets were draped around the room. She wondered how Luke and Jess planned to sleep there tonight. Although the beds were free of debris, it certainly wasn't a sleep-conducive environment.

Her feet carried her over to Luke's bed, and she dropped her bags on top of it, unzipping the larger of the two. She carefully removed her newly claimed possession and held it to her chest.

"I _am_ crazy," she whispered, her heart racing. "I have officially lost it." With the desired items in her hands, Lorelai walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She swiftly discarded her clothing and slipped into her robe and matching slippers. The latter were a parting gift. After one final glance in the mirror, she exited, and moved to the centre of the room, waiting for him.

-------

Luke re-entered the diner, locking the door and turning the sign to 'closed'. His hand moved to the light switch and he flipped it, navigating his way through the darkness with practiced ease. As he climbed the staircase, he thought of Lorelai, wondered what she was doing, and how things would be between them when she returned from her trip. "She must feel something, too," he said to himself as he reached the landing. "It can't just be me."

"It's not just you," he heard a voice call from inside his apartment. Luke's breath hitched. "Lorelai?" he whispered. "I must be losing my mind." Regardless, his hand flew to the doorknob and he twisted it open in a hurry, stopping dead in his tracks when he took in the sight before him.

"Hey," Lorelai said softly, her voice shaking with nerves.

"Are you okay?" he asked, not knowing what else to say.

She smiled. "The jury's still out on that one."

His eyes continued to travel up and down her body. "Uh, shouldn't you be at the spa?"

"Would you like me to go back?" she asked with a teasing smirk.

Luke shook his head. "Oh, no… no, I just…" he paused, his confusion transforming into curiosity. "You bought the robe?" She shook her head. "You _stole_ the robe?" She nodded in confirmation. "You shouldn't have done that," he told her.

"I know," Lorelai agreed. "I'm kinda running on adrenaline here." She closed her eyes and sucked in a breath. "Tell me I'm crazy."

"I tell you that every day," he said in a deep voice, gradually moving towards her.

"Tell me now," she implored, her eyes snapping open as he continued to lessen the gap that separated them.

Luke swallowed hard. "I wish I could." His hands reached for her waist. "So this is the infamous robe?" he whispered.

"Yes." She nodded, her eyes glued to his hands. "Take it off."

He chuckled, his hands now gliding up her sides, relishing the feel of the terry cloth. "We can't do this, Lorelai," he reasoned. "This place is a mess… it isn't safe."

Lorelai frowned. "We don't have to do it _here_, Luke. I mean, not _right_ here." He gave her a puzzled look. "I was thinking that we could possibly relocate to the, um, shower." Her eyes met his shyly.

"Oh," Luke said in realization, his hands still touching her, unable stop.

"Where's Jess?" Lorelai asked suddenly.

"He took off a few hours ago. Usually stumbles in around 3 AM on weekends."

"Ah, so we've got some time," she noted.

Luke nodded as he hesitantly backed away from her and locked the apartment door. "Just in case," he explained, returning to Lorelai and running his fingers through her hair, completely entranced by her. "Are we crazy?" he sighed, leaning in and breathing the intoxicating scent of her shampoo.

"Completely," Lorelai said, gasping as his lips tickled her neck.

"I looked forward to your calls," Luke whispered into her tender skin.

"I loved talking to you," she whispered back. "You killed my phone, by the way."

He chuckled. "I'll make it up to you," he promised as his lips finally pressed against hers. She moaned, her mouth opening instantly in an invitation. Their tongues met with enthusiasm, clashing, teasing and tasting. His hands reached for the tie of her robe, as her hands slid down his back and cupped his ass, grinding against him. He pulled the robe open, his curious fingers dancing along her naked flesh. Luke's feet surged forward, the force of his weight propelling her backward, toward the bathroom.

"Wait," Lorelai gasped, placing her palms flat on his chest. "Let me grab something." She quickly ducked around him and gathered a bag of bath supplies from her luggage. "Props," she told him with a giddy smile as she stepped into the bathroom, gesturing for him to follow.

When the door closed behind them, things really heated up, including the shower. Luke took the liberty of turning on the faucet in preparation as Lorelai methodically removed his clothing. They reversed positions, with Lorelai standing closest to the shower and Luke facing her. Her robe was hanging loosely over her shoulders, and she shrugged out of it, letting it slide languidly to the floor. Luke finally released the breath he was holding, his eyes mapping out her entire body, planning his route of exploration. She smiled coyly, shedding her slippers and stepping into the shower. Luke watched as she stood under the spray, slicking her hair back. He instinctively slid down his boxers, his last remaining article of clothing, and motioned to join her, but Lorelai held her hand up to stop him.

"My props," she reminded him, nodding to the bag that rested next to the sink. He snatched it quickly, handing the items a few at a time to Lorelai so she could place them on the shelves in the shower. "You couldn't be at the spa, so I'm bringing the spa to you," she told him with a satisfied smile, as he stepped in behind her, closing the door.

She turned to him and couldn't help grinning. "You're naked," she remarked, her blue eyes raking over his form.

"So are you," Luke pointed out, chuckling.

She opened her mouth in mock surprise. "You're right. How did that happen?"

"Faulty robe," he said, grabbing a bottle of ginger body wash and lathering his hands.

Lorelai giggled. "Ah, yes. That's why I swiped it."

He slid his soapy hand along her hip bone and turned her so her back was facing him. His hands moved to the front of her body, seeking out her breasts. Her back arched as he found his target, massaging her with his slick palms, the friction causing her to unleash a moan that lingered in the air. He teased her nipples with his fingers, closing his arms around her and pressing his erection to her backside.

Luke released her for a second, this time squeezing some organic grapefruit and mint body wash onto his hands and rubbing them together. The entire room was bathed in an invigorating mixture of scents and sounds as Luke's hands made contact with Lorelai's skin once more. She moaned as he covered her entire body with soft, soapy suds, and hungry kisses from his warm mouth.

"Oh, your hands," Lorelai gasped in pleasure. "So much better than Gordon's."

The deep rumble of his laughter echoed off the walls of the shower, arousing her even further.

"Don't take a class, Luke."

"I would, you know," he told her.

"I know, but don't. I like you raw and… untamed."

He smiled, pressing his body into her further, forcing her under the spray. The water cascaded down her spine, outlining her magnificent shape. Luke took a long moment to appreciate the sculpture before him. She was a Grecian goddess.

"So beautiful," he murmured, brushing her hair aside and running his tongue along her neck.

"Oh, Luke," she sighed. "I need you."

He turned her around abruptly and his mouth covered hers, tempting her, savouring her. Luke moved his lips lower, swirling his tongue over her breasts and tugging lightly on her nipples. Lorelai was overcome with sensation. She felt herself losing control and focused on her breathing. His hands slid down, but his mouth remained fastened to her right breast, his teeth joining in the seduction. When his fingers made contact with her most sensitive region, she spasmed, her arms flinging out to the sides and knocking at least three bottles of shampoo and body wash off the wall.

"Oops," she said, giggling.

Luke squatted down and tossed the bottles out of the shower to avoid a repeat performance. On his way back up, he paused at her opening, and ran his tongue along her folds, his hands grasping her hips to keep her still.

Lorelai held onto the soap dish for support, her legs failing her, becoming limp under his ministrations. He continued to lavish attention on her, his tongue finding her clit and stroking it leisurely. She gasped and moaned, her mind begging him stop, but her mouth pleading with him to never let go. He looked up at her through foggy eyes, his hair slicked back, and beads of water hanging on his smiling lips, and she nearly lost herself right then and there.

"Get up here," she demanded, and he complied, gathering her to his chest and kissing her senseless. Her hands reached for a bottle of coconut cream body wash and she prepared them for their assault. First they squeezed his muscular shoulders, running down his arms and back up again. Then they found his solid chest, trailing through his hair in a zigzag pattern. They followed the pathway of his hair, lower and lower until she made contact with his erection. She fondled and caressed every part of his manhood, her fingers wrapping around him and holding him tightly, removing every last ounce of control he possessed.

"Oh God, Lorelai," he sputtered. "I can't…"

"Okay," she whispered soothingly, dropping her hand. "I guess we're both pretty sensitive."

He chuckled, and said sincerely, "I've never been this sensitive."

"Ditto," she confessed, smiling. "So, can we, um…" She lifted her eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh yes," Luke said. "Definitely, yes." He turned her around again so she was facing the shower spray and parted her legs gently. He helped to guide her left foot onto the tiled lip of the shower, and placed himself at her opening. Luke held her hips as he slowly guided himself into her heat. They both took a deep breath in at the same time, their bodies stiffening, then instantly relaxing as Luke probed deeper, until he was completely sheathed in her walls.

With an encouraging gasp, Luke began pumping, in and out, struggling to stay glued to her slippery body. His hands ran over the tips of her breasts and Lorelai's hands clutched at the wall, trying to remain upright. Luke grunted into her ear as he continued to fill her with every stroke, his pace increasing with each pass.

She felt like she was flying. This was the most intense sexual encounter she had ever experienced. Her right hand gripped the soap dish, and she held onto it for dear life as Luke seemed determined to hit every nerve in her body.

He used his right hand to spread her lower lips and allowed her to feel the sensations of the water along her front while he continued to pulse into her from behind. Lorelai gasped, speaking in tongues as her arousal increased ten fold. The hand that was gripping the soap dish, clutched even tighter, and with an unexpected creak, she tore it right from the wall. Luke caught her before she stumbled and they both took a calming breath that soon erupted into laughter.

"Damn caulking came loose," Luke muttered, taking the dish from her hands and dropping it outside the shower. That sent Lorelai into another round of giggles.

"Caulking," she repeated, grinning like an idiot. "This shower is falling apart."

"This whole apartment is falling apart."

"Well," she said, turning her head to shoot him a wicked smile, "let's really bring the house down."

"Your wish is my command," he replied, resuming his assault on her senses. It didn't take long for them to reach the pinnacle of their pleasure, and with their arms and legs safely inside the vehicle, they came together, hissing and moaning their release. Luke held her close, kissing her back and her shoulder blades, smoothing his hands along her sides.

"I'm all pruney," Lorelai said, turning to face him. "And that was amazing," she added, kissing his lips with everything she had left.

"Agreed." Luke brushed the hair away from her forehead. "Do they offer this at the spa?" he asked.

She smirked. "Nope. I'm never going back."

He chuckled. "Good. I'm never letting you go." They finished washing each other and Luke shut off the water, a cloud of steam enshrouding them.

He stepped out and wrapped a towel around himself. "I smell like coconut."

"I love coconut," she said, joining him on the floor and slipping back into the robe he held open for her. She encircled her arms around him and sighed into his chest.

"I love this robe," he commented affectionately.

"I'm glad," Lorelai said. "Take it off," she told him, echoing her words from earlier that night.

"Thief," he teased.

"Accomplice," she shot back. "Kiss me," she demanded. He lifted her chin and captured her lips. "We're buying you a cell phone in the morning." Luke grinned, and only kissed her harder.

**The End!**

_Hope you enjoyed the ride! :)  
_


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